As an introvert, I know all so well the agony of not having pertinent questions or comments roll off my tongue in meetings as well as how clear my questions and thoughts are to me in the coming days. One of the most important things I learned early in my career is that introverts and extroverts process data in different ways.
Extroverts figure out what is really important to them, what they want to do, and what makes sense by talking about it. What they say one day may change the next as they continue to process and think about the matter at hand. It is usually pretty easy to tell who the extraverts are at a meeting. They like to chime in on most matters because that is how they think things through. They are energized by these conversations and talking things out.
The introverts, on the other hand, need time and space to process information. They most likely don’t need to chime in on every topic at a meeting but if they have not had time and space to think about something before having to make a decision, the next day or next week you may hear from them as the questions, concerns and ideas they have are now crystalized. Writing comes more naturally to more introverts than extroverts and is another way to get feedback. Not giving introverts time to process often means missing their wisdom and leadership as well as risking their potential disengagement.
So, how does a leader engage leaders with such different preferences?
- Distribute meeting materials in advance so that introverts will have a chance to process it and come prepared to the meeting with their questions, concerns and ideas. (I believe so strongly that we miss the wisdom of the introverts that I don’t usually allow complicated new business to be voted on at a meeting unless the materials were distributed in advance.)
- Sometimes, and especially on big decisions, it helps to have an initial conversation one month and actually make the decision the next month. It gives time for questions to surface, other ideas to be generated and all to collaborate in the decision-making process.
- Consider ways of getting a sense of the group other than talking. I once resourced a committee in which less than half of the members ever talked in the meetings. There seemed to be some “elephants in the room” and, almost with a sense of desperation, I created a survey that named potential issues and sought to understand where people were. I gave them time to complete it without names and then compiled the results while the rest took a break. As I walked them through the results, it became clear that there was a silent majority that agreed upon a direction that the vocal few opposed. Realizing they were not alone, at the next meeting new leaders emerged, more people participated, and the group seemed to be reborn.
- Divide into smaller groups to talk through issues. When there are three or four people looking at a question it requires a different level engagement than when there are 10-15.
- On critical issues and in safe settings (i.e., people trust each other, honor confidentiality, and are willing to share), I have gone around the table to hear each person’s voice. They are able to “pass” if they choose, but that has happened rarely. This was most critical in a setting where there were difficulties with the pastor. As an outside moderator, I assessed that in order to move forward the group needed to share their feelings and we needed to hear from everyone. I let them know in advance so they could prepare what they wanted to say (two came with their thoughts written out so they wouldn’t lose their courage to say what they wanted and needed to say). Some burst into tears as they spoke; others shook with anger; still others whispered their disappointment and sense of betrayal. The group needed that vulnerability and honesty in order to move forward. I chose not to go around the table when it was time to make a decision. Instead I articulated their choices on a ballot and they voted silently.
The bottom line is that there are times you need to challenge introverts to speak up and times you need to quiet the extraverts. If this is difficult for you to track, there are a couple of tools that may help.
- See if there is someone who is willing to track a meeting’s conversation. Give them a chart that has everyone’s name and just have them make hash marks by a name each time that person talks. Review it after the meeting to see if it aligns with your own perceptions of the participation levels. It can give you data that provides opportunities to reach out to learn what would help them as a leader or see if there is something else going on in their life influencing their engagement.
- Evaluate your meetings. I had a professor who had us evaluate each and every class (i.e., not just at the end of the semester). Two simple questions – Where were you engaged during the meeting? When were you disengaged during the meeting? – will generate helpful information. My professor would begin the next class by sharing the data with us. I’ve used this in a number of settings. In one case when I began to work with them, the session/council meetings often went over four hours and then carried over into the parking lot. I kept them for that extra five minutes until they completed the evaluation and, boy, did they have feedback!! We typed it up and included it in the materials for the next meeting. Some of it was tough – direct comments about a person being unprepared or monopolizing the meeting, about another always coming late, about a committee that never shared anything in writing. As people began to see how they impacted the experience of the others, we spent some time articulating norms for the group – how did they want to function together? I continued to use the form every month I moderated. On the last month, when the meeting was over in less than 90 minutes, there was little to type up from the disengagement question. They learned how to bring their best, be considerate with each other’s time, and work together in a way that all voices were heard. It was a remarkable experience!
What have you done to engage all your leaders? Ideas are most welcome! I look forward to hearing from you!
